Friday, December 30, 2011

Hi friends.

I have spent my Christmas break, NOT being on Christmas break, as it turns out that this is marketing week and I am the only slave in town with everyone else being busy spreading holiday cheer with their families.

It's ok and I'm actually starting not to mind it too much. A couple months ago Nora and I had to go and give a presentation at he Air Force base and I was a coward and made her do all the talking. It's scary! They're all solemn and carrying guns! This week, though, I had to do presentations for the Marines, Navy, and Cozumel police, and I relish my power. Just as everyone has gone through roll call and the drums have sounded and salutes have been made, I have all these tough bitches at full attention.


The first one I went to was the Marines. Evidently Matthew is good friends with the Comandante "although I don't remember his name." When we got there Matthew was asking all sorts of inappropriate questions like "all you military guys are corrupt, right?" And "how many narcos have you killed." He was even sensitive enough to offer up his services as spy. "I'm telling you man, any time you need a gringo to go in undercover, I'll do it. I'll be like, hey man, I want 50 kgs of cocaine, and then you guys can come in and shoot him. Do I get to carry a gun?"

The thing that was most worrisome for me is that this "friend," Comandante Miravete, sort of was, like, engaging with the conversation. There were a few times where I felt like a couples therapist: "Miravete, I think what he's trying to say is he respects your service to the country. Matthew, I think what he's trying to say is.. well it's not so much words as a look of bewilderment, but you probably ought to just leave it be."

Then Miravete walked over to the corner of the room and picked up a duffel bag. "Let me explain to you what is the problem in Mexico. This is the problem in Mexico," he unzips the bag and idly sorts through the plastic baggies within. "This one's cocaine, this one's ecstasy, these are yada yada yada." Is this normal for the military to show this stuff to their guests? Avert your eyes, avert your eyes, I know nothing.

A few minutes later the Marine guys all lined up and I gave my little speech about the school. Miravete follows me up by pointing out that "In places like Campeche, for example, it's not so important, but here in Cozumel it's more important to know English because the gringos are constantly invading us."

Ha hah ha. Right? I laughed at least, assuming it was a joke. Matthew doesn't speak spanish so he of course wasn't in on the humor, but more disturbing, as my laughter slowly and ever so awkwardly tapered off, is that none of the soldiers or Commanders did either. It's a joke, right?

Here's another amusing little anecdote related to marketing. Earlier in the week I went to the Army/Air Force base to see about doing a presentation, and the soldier at the gate asked for my phone number. He was pretty insistent and since I'm dumb I thought maybe it was military protocol or he was saying tomorrow when I come back to call him to get in. Later on I told Mono about it and it turns out, nope, that's not okay, and he needed to know the guy's number to find out who had done it. After work I asked him what had happened and it turns out this guy got arrested and can't leave the base for 15 days straight. And he's married, the dink. Additionally, in order to make arrests in the base they have to have witnesses and proof. This guy had claimed I had asked him for his number. (Puhhh-lease). Anyway Mono called to ask if this was true, but this - and I didn't know it at the time - was a covert operation. Meaning I was on speaker phone providing testimony to the military authorities without being told beforehand. I believe my response was somewhere along the lines of "Hell no I didn't ask for his number! What a little liar!" My contribution to the good of the nation, you're welcome.

Now this story gets worse because today I was sending a message to this woman I'd met at the base that day and whaddyaknow her number's on the same paper that he wrote his and whaddyaknow I accidentally sent it to him. His response indicated that 1.) he's not very happy and 2.) maybe a little bit afraid of me. :)

Last night I went and looked at an apartment and will be moving in the next couple months. Me, Mono, Puticlub, and the seven dogs that I plan to adopt will be living together. And it has a pool! Not really seven dogs, buuut I am going to Humane Cozumel tomorrow to check out the little buggers. I emailed the woman who works there and she asked me what kind I was looking for. These were my specifications:

1. smallish
2. not too hyper
3. okay with other animals
4. cute
5. if not cute then ugly in a cute way

Tomorrow we shall see! I really like the Pomeranian in the picture because it reminds me of a penguin but I'm not expecting to find one of those there.

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