Sunday, December 11, 2011

Haven't written on here in awhile so just to set the context, we're talking about dumb shit I hear from students and/or non-native-English speakers.

Complete the sentence:
"My parents were .. sexing all night long." The person who wrote this is I think probably in his 30s.

In a note delivered to me at the end of the class:
"I'm sorry much because I'm ugly and lazy."

This one's actually potentially sweet unless he was referring to the apocalypse:
"My English teacher was teaching when .. fell a star."

Here's a particularly stupid one occurring in spanish: Mono was explaining to me that 'tontis' is a way to say the spanish word 'tonto' but in a way that is rosa. I didn't know what he meant by that because 'rosa' means pink or rose, so I asked him to explain, and his example was "Like Polly Pocket." (He meant, I gather, cutesy). For reference this conversation was in spanish but in response to that comment I said in English, "I was a collector."
"My cock?"
His English isn't exactly where it ought to be.

There's not really too much going on right now. The island's been overrun by tourists, at least during the day, but at night it's mostly calm with the travelers going back to the cruise ships and leaving port. This week marks the end of the semester thank god for my 4pm class that I despise and the following week marks the end for all the rest. Then it's break time for the holidays until January 1. The other day one of my students found out I hadn't decorated for Christmas and the next day she showed up with a Papa Noel to sit on my counter. I thought I was doing really well when I bought a string of lights at the grocery store, but they've since all collapsed and it's looking rather feeble I'm noticing as I see it now. Last year when I was in Malta for Christmas we didn't do much to acknowledge it. Most likely there was wine involved but that's true of most nights out anyway. It was cold(ish), though (upper 50s? 60s?). But we were also coming from Madrid where it was colder and you could imagine that it might be winter time. Here I'm adjusting to the stack of evergreens on sale near the grocery store, but not so much that I've found it appropriate to turn on Bing Crosby.

To my family: I looked at flights home and they're just outrageously bad, as in 20 hour trips with overnight layovers and whatnot. Not going to happen.
I haven't really decided what I'm going to do with that time off then. Maybe go to "civilization" - the mainland. Perhaps see about taking a bus down to Belize. Maybe I'll just save my money. Dunno. In April I'm going to Michoacán. I'm excited about it, I think it'll be cool to see that part of Mexico and cross through Mexico D.F. And look at this cool church. A long time ago the volcano that you see in the background erupted, burying the entire city
in lava so that only the steeple of the church remains. I love shit like that, don't you? I will be on the lookout for mummies. Michoacán is also home of the biggest celebration for Day of the Dead in Mexico, which is convenient since its murder rate is astronomical. (Just kidding, picturing your face, Ma).

As I was saying. I do have some Christmas antics up my sleeve. At the Air Force base there's a big party for the kids who live there and I'm bringing my neighbor boys. These three little guys, besides being unreasonably cute, are also sweet as pumpkins. I mean, yesterday Angel karate'd me in the face and bent my glasses about thirty degrees, but they mean well. I brought Ever to a football game today and on the way home we stopped to pick flowers off a tree, Ever to give them to his mama. Half way back I left my bunch on an ugly stretch of sidewalk so that, as I told Ever, someone else would find a surprise. Five minutes later when we got to the house he put his head down and stretched out his fist of blooms. "Toma." Take it. It's not exactly the most polite form of words as I believe with some imagination it stretches to Takethatyoubitch - for example when I used it yesterday on the Barcelona supporters at the bar (all of them), when Madrid scored in the first 22 seconds of the game. Nevertheless, at least I wasn't being karate'd.

If I had a point to my story it's that the boys get to come to the Christmas party, except Angel who is afraid of airplanes. Chucho will be there though, and this little guy breaks my heart because he's only 9 years old and he already has a job. He wasn't home last night until after I'd gone to bed, and he was gone again in the morning by the time I woke up. I don't know what he does for work, but wah.

As far as my own job situation goes, if Matthew is to be trusted (hahaha), I'll be starting work with the hospital here, arranging for medical tourism visits to the island from the states and Canada. Evidently there's a big industry for that here and the idea is that I'll get 10% of the cost of any operation for people who I book (anyone want a boob job)? They give us the leads though, so I just have to call them and be "pleasant". Hm. I'm not sure what I'll think of it and in any case it will be in addition to teaching, but maybe it will be worthwhile. Vamos a ver.

I guess that may be just about all I have to say about this silly little life of mine. Goodbye for now mis amorcitos. xoxo

...Oh wait, another sad news. I was feeling very connected to my mother when a week or two ago I discovered a psoriasis patch on my calf and left foot. Turned out to be ringworm, so, hm,

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